Why Music is cooler than anything else

Music is truth.

A magic greater than anything we can imagine.

Does that explain Mozart writing symphonies at the age of 7? The bastard.

The only people I really envy are musicians. Everyone else, I look at and think, hey, I could do that. Banking? Maths and smarts. Got both. Law? Smarts. Check. Doctor? Don't like hospitals and blood and sick people and I completely lack empathy, but no problem. Good memory and some fairly decent genetics in the general cranial region. I'd be sorted at any other profession.

But music gets my goat. Right down to the last baaa.

I listen, and I transcend. I listen to the layers. Layers upon layers of instruments. Notes written for each instrument. Each coming together in perfect harmony. Premeditated. Me, I have to listen to a piece at least 5 times before I can even identify all the instruments. Another five listens to appreciate fully what each instrument is doing for the piece. Another 5 listens to get a feel of the lyrics. And another 5 to just let the song soak in.

And by 5, I mean 50.

Take this piece for example

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JfzyUr78nhs

You've head it a zillion times, but mostly in its bastardized rock version. Listen to it again. How each instrument enters. And changes it into something beautiful. Something that has meaning and can move you, a hundred years after it was written.

No art will ever match up to music. Because it's universal. You don't need to have a keen eye. A trained eye. You don't need to have attended art school to appreciate a song.

Aptly titled What the Fuck (acrylic on canvas)

You can write like an angel, but your words will only be read by the educated. You can make a movie, but at some point, it's context will fade.

Only music is immortal. People will sing your songs. Your work will forever be remembered.

As long as there's Piratebay.

Oh how I wish I was a musician.

THAT'S OUR SONG!

Ok, so you’re in love. Good.

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Now, most people who know you and care for you and think they need to be part of your life are going to tell you a whole load of improbable nonsense about love and relationships and give you advice. This is terribly annoying, but it’s normal.

Remember, being Batman is the key to a woman's heart. Are you Batman, eh?

For the most part, they’ll tell you how to be an ideal boyfriend (Be thoughtful and caring and sensitive and shave and have six packs and don’t look at other girls have lots of money no you don’t look fat in that dress honey don’t objectify don’t drink too much don’t smoke be funny stammer charmingly like Hugh Grant basically be gay but actually straight) or how to be an ideal girlfriend ( Actually, I have no idea what to put here, cause nobody’s ever talked to me about this, unless you count that one time in prison..Never mind. Where were we? Oh yes. If chick flicks are anything to go by, girls give each other unreasonable expectations from their respective boyfriends )

All this advice is nonsense.

Here is some solid advice all couples can use.

Five ways to discover what your song as a couple is, A.K.A. “Hey that’s our

song!”

Five ways to discover what your song as a couple is, A.K.A. “Hey that’s our song!”

1. Look for similarities in your past. Did you grow up listening to the same sort of music? What was your favourite song? This doesn’t necessarily gy have to be a sappy love song. It can be any song. But it has to be a cool song. (If you are unsure if a song is cool enough, contact us. We are experts.) You may just find that both of you loved the same song. Congratulations! Now you have “Your song” and you can be excited and be romantic when you hear it played in public places.
2. Look for a song that you associate with a good memory- like that time both of you got chased by dogs while going for a romantic walk on the beach, and you heard “Show me the meaning” playing on a passing peanut-seller’s radio while fleeing. Pick your memory, slap on a song and there you have it.
3. Write her a song. Yes, it sometimes comes down to that. Or at least pick your favourite song and rewrite the lyrics somewhat so she goes awww. Ladies, you may do likewise (Although if you’re dating a guy who can go “awww” on a regular basis, please come talk to me. There is something wrong.)
4. You’ll discover it by a bizarre coincidence and the situation and the song will convince you that you are bound to be together for life. Do not panic if the song turns out to be something dreadfully ironic or gay or Lonely Island or all three. It is your song. Deal with it.
5. Pick awesome song. (You have the freedom. We suggest the Beatles. They did some killer stuff. Something? Golden Slumbers? Falling?)
   Fabricate romantic moment (Yes, you can do this. Romantic moments don’t magically happen unless you’re in a rom-com and the director’s got one Y chromosome too many) Now, play song during romantic moment. Play few more times to ensure that it registers in partner’s head. Follow up in a few days time by listening to it in a public place, leaning over and whispering “Remember?” holding hands, being gay and fixing song firmly in partner’s psyche.

Or be actually gay. That works too.

Why “Hey that’s our song” is awesome.

It gives you an excuse to be PDAish when it’s played when you’re out together.

1. You can hum it under your breath as shorthand for lots of things (I’m sorry, I love you, I miss you, you’ve got lasagna in your teeth)
2. You can set the mood with it. (Wine and candlelight and a bed suggestively strewn with rose petals can also help)
3. If it’s a common song, it’ll make sure your significant other will think of you often. (Yes dear, with a face like that, these are things you must worry about. Sorry to be the person to break it to you.)
4. It can make you smile. (Because really, you cannot smile enough)
   
   
   

Pictured: Not Enough

Now go ahead and find your song. All of you, who’ve already got your song, go ahead and be smug. And if you can think of another way for these newbies to discover their song, post it here.

Remember, you say it best when you say nothing at all.

You’re welcome.

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The beginners guide to acquiring a soul

There are only two types of people in the world:

1. Those who like the Beatles.
2. Terrible human beings with no soul.

Now that I’ve made my position on this clear, you can continue reading, or declare that the author is an imbecile who is talking out of his nether orifice and go back to doing whatever it is soul-less people do.
Wait, actually, there’s a third kind.
The ones who haven’t been exposed to enough of the Beatles to decide.
If you’re one of those, then there’s hope for you yet.
Presenting

The beginners guide to acquiring a soul. ( cue Ride Of the Valkyries)

The Beatles were and still remain the most commercially successful band in all of history. And yet, they weren’t ‘mainstream’, lame, or Justin Bieber. Not in their time. Not now.

Here are five reasons why.

All you need is love

From the opening bars from La Marseillaise to the slow fadeout, this song is a defining moment in human evolution- a time when someone finally realized and put to music the teaching of every major world religion. It was written by Lennon in 1967, and he intended it to be a revolutionary piece. He wanted to change the world. To a place where love was the most important thing. This is your first step in acquiring a soul- leave your cynicism aside and consider, wouldn’t the world just be better if all you needed was love?

Let it be

Another great sentiment, another brilliant song. The beauty of it lies in the fact that despite their formidable vocal talent, they’ve made this song something even the most tone deaf gorilla can sing along to. And empathize with. Watch out for the underrated and mind blowing solo by Harrison.

Here’s the original.

Here’s perhaps one of the best covers. Chills guaranteed.

Don’t let me down

Lennon’s agonized wail. You’ll wish no one had let him down. You’ll wish nobody would let you down. You’ll scream out loud with him. It’s so wishful, written at a time when the band was breaking up and all their lives were changing. And still it carries a note of hope that’s endured over the years. It’s the last song the Beatles ever performed together. It marked the end of an era, performed on the roof of the Apple building in New York City. The lads from Liverpool came a long, long way, and right till the end they believed and hoped.

Something

It’s been called the greatest love song ever written. Even if you’ve never been in love, this will make you wish you were. Even if you don’t believe in love (Refer 3rd line of article) it will make you want to believe. And really, how many women wouldn’t want to be sung to like this. It’s not sappy. Just…real, you know. I know you’re a good boy/girl with family values and you’ll marry whoever daddy tells you to. But if you ever decide to rebel and fall in love and get cut out of the family inheritance and frowned on by formidable aunties in the street all that, dust off this song and listen to it again.

With a little help from my friends

Right when you thought all I was going to write about love and stuff that doesn’t exist, boom- With a little help from my friends. Because it’s about friendship and isn’t gay. (For our younger readers: This word is confusing, but you’ll understand someday. Until then, stay away from fashion designers…) It’s about the finer sides of friendship. It’s just such an awesome fun song to sing. When you’re drunk at a karaoke, (For our younger readers: Alcohol is injurious to health and you should never drink. Conditions apply) or in car on the highway or just generally in a happy mood and your friends haven’t stabbed you in the back. Yet.
Associate it with the best memories of your friends.



And now that you’ve listened, listen again. A few more times. If you liked how you felt, then congratulations- you’re experiencing the first glimmers of a soul.
Come back next week for more.
Or go ahead and explore the Beatles on your own.
If you didn’t enjoy the music, well. I pity you. Because, you know. People with souls experience pity.
I hope I never meet you.

Why there's nothing really wrong with Justin Bieber

You’re going to read this article merely to spit upon it. That’s all right. But hear me out. Because this might just make sense.

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Although you’ll probably hate yourself and the author at the end of this, you’ll feel liberated.

Maybe.

Around about when I was in the sixth standard, the Backstreet Boys were popular. Really, really popular.

So was N’Sync. And Westside. You know this, of course.

Now, back then, I was an impressionable child. And my role model was my older sister, a lady four years older than me and of great personal magnetism. She used to spend hours in the library, reading books far above her age. Many years later, she was a multiple academic gold medalist and voted best outgoing student in college.

Now, being a good little younger brother, I read all the books she did (I’ve consequently read several period romance novels, a fact I’m not proud of, but that’s another story), went to all the fancy plays and movies she did, tried to be a good student and finally, when I thought she could do no wrong, she unleashed the Backstreet Boys upon me.

Like this one.

I was a kid. She said ‘The Call’ was a cool song. It sounded cool to me. So I was a BSB fan. I learned all there was to know about Nick, A. J., Howie, Brian and Kevin. I had a favourite Backstreet Boy.

We listened to Black and Blue on tape (Yes, tape. Remember tape recorders? Remember using a pencil to wind and unwind cassettes when they got tangled?) until it wore out. And Millennium. We treasured the little foldout thing that came with the cassette and had all the lyrics in 3 pointsize (Visible only to very young children with excellent eyesight. Good marketing strategy, in retrospect)
And I could sing along to all the songs. I still can. If you play a BSB song out loud in any office with twenty somethings, I can guarantee that after the initial protests and bad-mouthing, more than half the people will be singing along under their breath when they think nobody’s watching.

Play this and look around you carefully.

The Backstreet Boys were addictive. They were an essential part of growing up. I was a dumb kid. I didn’t know what was cool. The songs were catchy and I could remember the lyrics and sing along and everyone I knew liked them. (Wait, I’m getting to the point. Sheesh.)
The point is (See, that wasn’t so bad now, was it?) the Backstreet Boys were heralded as great musicians in their time. And even the smartest, coolest people I knew subscribed to their awesomeness.

They were like the Mozart of our generation.

Of course, a few short years after the craze had died down, the majority attempted to erase BSB and the boy band phenomenon from their collective memory using the Beatles, Floyd, Oasis, Led Zep, Metallica, Dylan, the Stones etc. The rest turned into child molesters and Radio Jockeys, but let’s not go there.
(Here’s a little something to blow the Boy Bands out off your ass. Literally).

Now, I suspect the same thing is happening with Justin Beiber.
While we, the cool grown-up people sneer at the Beliebers, (This is what Justin Beiber fans call themselves. No, it’s still not legal to assault them with blunt objects.) we ourselves were at one time victims of a similar craze. And mass media’s much huger these days, so these poor kids are sucked into this miasma of shame unwittingly.
You can be sure that, 10 years from now, they’ll burning (Or Shift+ deleting off Facebook, which is more likely.) the pictures of themselves with Bieber hair, assuming deep voices, growing beards and bulging muscles behind their ears, riding big bikes, eating the heads of live bats, and swearing that they never followed that disgusting fad.
Who knows, Justin Bieber may just reinvent himself like Justin Timberlake and survive. (I hope he doesn’t, because I want to be able to hate him for a long time)
So have a heart. Don’t write off those disgusting little children from the ‘90s just yet.
And while we’re waiting for them to change, let’s hope someone, someday, will get Bieber to do this.