Bangalore bemusement

It all starts with the cold. It makes me reckless. (Did you know that cold stands for common obstructive lung disorder?) It's the 13th, the day before the pongal holidays. I have a cold, and I'm delaying Jerryd, Jason and Clifton, who are downstairs waiting for me in Jason's car. It's just one of those days. Murphy decides to hide all the handkerchiefs, and I run down, sniffling, and we're late for class. The magnificent three decide to bunk class, because their Prof. isn't going to let them in anyway, but I soldier on to class, nevertheless. I am an incurable optimist. I also believe in the constantly gullible nature of teachers. Predictably, I have forgotten what day order it is, walk into the wrong classroom and scurry away when I realize my folly.
Further contemplation results in my concluding that the first two hours are free, and contemplate going to the lovely Loyola canteen. However, one of my classmates informs me in passing that I've missed attendance because that idiotic professor Riju decided to take over my first two hours. I inquire as to why she is wandering around when she's supposed to be in class, and she says he let them go after taking attendance. I find Riju taking class in the preview theatre, beckon him out, and ask for attendance. He looks at me, asks me if I'm ill, and tells me he'll give me attendance. I wander around, discover that I have no further classes, and hop into the car to go home with the trio.


That's when they tell me they're going to Bangalore. I say, "I want to go to Bangalore too!" So Clifton says, hey, why don't you. This is at 11:45 am. By the time we reach my house, at 12:00 pm, I've decided I'll try to go to Bangalore. The trio has their tickets all booked and ready. The train is at 1:30 pm. I call my father. He says, as your mother. I call my mother and tell her my father gave the green light. My mother grudgingly says ok. I pack my college backpack with some stuff (I only forget my handkerchiefs, predictably, because I have a terrible cold). Ten minutes later, I'm in the auto with the trio. We stop at an ATM, because I have only a hundred and fifty bucks (fifty of which belong to Benjamin). The ATM tells me that my request could not be processed at the moment. I figure I can draw some cash at the station and we continue on. At the station, I brave the queue and the loud woman who wants a separate line because she's a lady (yeah, right) and get a ticket to Bangalore, Rs. 96 only. Unreserved.

Then, I line up outside the ATM in the station, only to discover that the IOB network is down, and I can't withdraw money from anywhere. Murphy giggles. I find a TT and ask him to give me a confirmed ticket. He scratches himself and tells me to go away. I look around the train and find that the unreserved coaches are threatening to explode with the force of humanity contained within. I slink into the trio's compartment, and sit with them, convincing myself that when the TT comes a-checking, I can get myself a confirmed seat. Suddenly I realize that my phone's battery is low. Really low. I message my sister in Bangalore and inform her that I'll be staying with her for a few days. She says ok, very hospitably, and my phone switches off. Now, I don't know exactly where her apartment is, only the vague order to get off at Cantonment station and take an auto to BEML gate. I have exactly 67 bucks in my wallet, and the need to pay for a confirmed seat. I have no charge on my phone. Even if I did, I have no balance (give me a break, I'm a college student. It's in my job description.) The trio will debark at East station. I will have to alight alone at Cantonment, alone, with insufficient money for the auto, no communication device, and the possibility that ATMs in Bangalore may not work as well. And a terribly limited knowledge of Hindi, and no knowledge whatsoever of Kannada.

Yes, laugh. Considering my history, the most probable outcome of this situation would be that I debark at Cantonment station alone, get kidnapped by a gang of hungry autowallahs and spend the rest of my life in a dark room writing witty statements that they can paste on the rear windows of their vehicles. But no! I transfer my sim to Jerryd's phone to see if I can contact my sister. My sister messages and says I cannot stay with her because she's at work and there's no one at home to open the door and she has the key (she works in a soulless investment banking corporation and child labourers in match factories have better hours than she does). And then, things get better. Yes, you read right, better! The TT comes around and gives me a confirmed seat for a measly 15 bucks more. I reach Bangalore east and debark with the trio and go Jerryd's aunt's place. I stay with them, (God bless them), for the next three days. They didn't even seem to notice that Jerryd had brought along an extra friend with no warning. At their house, Jason somehow manages to set up a working Internet connection on Clifton's retarded laptop. He claims that he will go mad without the Internet. We watch several movies and much stand up comedy. The dog falls in love with Jason, and follows him around and drools all over him. Predictably, Jason hates dogs. He is forced to unleash all the toiletries packed into a pretty baby blue vanity bag and clean himself. The weather is brilliant, the night is as cold as a Loyola-lecturer’s heart.

As an alternative to this sedentary behaviour, Jerryd takes us to his cousin's apartment, where there is supposed to exist a table tennis table and a badminton court. We go there somewhat late in the evening to discover that the table is already in use, and the most active player has one arm completely wrapped in bandages. We sit around, waiting for the game to end, when a posse of old aunties come in and curtly order us out, saying their yoga hour could not be disturbed by our bouncing. We walk out and wander around the massive building. When we return to the multipurpose hall where the table is, it is shrouded in darkness. We are wary of entering. We are unsure as to what the aunties may be doing inside the darkened hall. We are innocent boys after all. An aged uncle vigorously taking his evening walk on the terrace assists us and enters the hall to unravel the mystery. There is some noise, and aged uncle exits, saying there was a power failure, and that the aunties were practicing yoga in the dark. We are not convinced, but we say nothing. Later, the power comes back on, and the aunties exit. We proceed to play for a long time, and later Jerryd's cousin takes us out to dinner.

The next day, Clifton and I go to meet my sister for lunch. We find our way to her rather decent apartment, and she then takes us to a restaurant called the beach, where the buffet is quite good. I did not see her after that. Bloody corporate sellout. We return to Jerryd's house, and go sightseeing on Brigade Street. You know what I mean. Jerryd discovers that the Cafe Coffee Day on the sidewalk is a very good vantage point. After he has his fill (of coffee, of course), he begins to window-shop with a vengeance. We walk into every store on that street. A hawker of spurious ray bans follows us around mournfully, but we do not succumb. We even visit Garuda mall, the site of my previous astonishment (ref: when I saw a fashion show by the students of Mount Carmel College) but it does not amuse nearly as much.

The rest of the trip... we'll I've written plenty now. Suffice to say that I somehow got a confirmed seat on the way home, reached Perambur station safely and proceeded to my grandmother's house to celebrate my uncle's fiftieth birthday.. But that's another story.